I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
