We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
