I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
