I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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