So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She announced her abortion via fbk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
