my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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