Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
