maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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