I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
