so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
