My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
