Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
