dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
