There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
