after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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