I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
