plz talk dirty to me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
