I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
