i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
