Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
