roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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