literally had 100 drinks last night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
