Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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