i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
