he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
