so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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