i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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