Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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