You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
