C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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