I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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