Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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