So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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