Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
