i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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