Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
