Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
