no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
