It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
