I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
