Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
