the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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