god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
