You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
