walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
