He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
