Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Just took my morning after pill in the library

Fav 29 1711 4418
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(952): View more from Minnesota

my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

Fav 27 1805 4311
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(619): View more from California

Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently

Fav 6 1955 923
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."

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(971): View more from Oregon

I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.

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