He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
