I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
