I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
