I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
